Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

I never knew what it meant to feel your emotions without letting them control you. I have spent my life being driven by emotion. I followed what felt good, avoided anything that had the potential to cause discomfort or hurt, and pushed past anything that got in my way. I’ve always felt everything deeply, but didn’t have understanding. I was often labeled as “sensitive” and viewed my feelings as a bad thing, a negative trait that I had to apologize for. Until now.

I’ve spent the past few years trying to understand who I am. On a quiz to see if I’m a “highly sensitive person,” I answered “true” to every. single. question. On the Myers-Briggs, I’m an INFJ. And on the enneagram, I’m a 4. These labels might help me understand who I am, but they don’t define me. Only God can do that.

Here’s what God has been showing me lately: My sensitivity isn’t a burden, it’s a gift-I just have to know how to use it. My sensitivity means I can pick up on things that others can’t. I can walk into a room and instantly sense what the vibe is (and if I sense tension I want to get the heck out.) I notice facial expressions and body language that others might look past. One of my friends used to say to me, “You always know. How do you always know?” I just do 🙂

How this has been a burden in the past:

• If someone seems off, I internalize. I immediately start wondering what I did wrong and how to fix it. As you can imagine, this becomes an issue in relationships, because most of the time it’s not actually about me. 
• The little things I pick up throughout the day become overwhelming, and I can’t fall asleep at night until I process through my day.
• I don’t know how to process or communicate well, so I hold everything inside until I can’t anymore, and have a large breakdown.
• I don’t set good boundaries, because I don’t understand myself well enough to know what boundaries I need.
• Any boundaries I do set, I let people cross because I want to be liked and I want to help fix others’ problems.
• I get overwhelmed in crowds or new social situations very easily and shut down.

Here’s how I’m learning to steward it as a gift:

• First, I pray.
• If I feel some tension or uneasiness in a room, I pray for the room and everyone in it.
• If someone seems off, I ask the Lord if I can do or say anything. I’ve found many times that my response helps them feel seen in that moment.
• I write. I started journaling last spring and it has tremendously helped me process. With some encouragement, I also started writing poetry. Writing has been the perfect outlet for processing through my feelings.
• I read the Bible daily. Everything I need to know about myself and the world comes from God.
• When in doubt, I remain still. This has been HUGE for me. I used to react instantly based on my emotions-and it hasn’t been healthy for me or my relationships. When I feel a big emotion, or feel something that I’m not sure of, I sit with it for a while. I pray and write. After I’ve had time to process, then I speak. I’ve also been practicing this in my letters. I write my first draft, let it sit for a couple of days, then go back to reread and edit. This allows me to evaluate if my words are communicating clarity and love. 
• I’m learning the difference between boundaries and walls. Walls are there to keep people out to avoid being seen or getting hurt. Boundaries exist in order to foster healthy relationships. (Thanks, Amy, for helping me understand this.)
• I’m more intentional with my schedule, making sure to set aside time for rest and alone time. It’s how I recharge.
• I’ve learned that allowing myself to feel my emotions without remaining there is what brings healing. In the middle of the brokenness is where the Lord really gets to reveal himself.  

I’m so thankful the Lord loves me enough to show me who I am. He’s taken the time to renew my mind in order to show me that He didn’t get it wrong-He made me sensitive on purpose. Discovering this with Jesus has been a beautiful process. We’ve had some really sweet moments together this month. 

I am in the middle of writing a blog to share some of the ministry work I’ve been doing this month. I will be sending it privately via e-mail in order to protect the people we are working with. Make sure you have subscribed in order to receive it.

I am also still fundraising. My next deadline is in less than a month and I’m $1776 away. Anything you’re able to give would be a blessing and help me to continue sharing the love of Jesus.