I start to feel nervous about meeting my deadline. There’s only one week left to reach $10,000. I look at my blog to see my updated total and jump when I see the number-$7035. In that moment my mindset shifts. I’ve raised over $7000 in support? Wow. In that moment I see God’s greatness.
When I applied for the race I was hesitant because of the fundraising amount. But once again, I was putting God in a box. The point in all of this is to take Him out of the box.
We spend so much of our lives waiting. Waiting for the weekend. Waiting for that phone call. Waiting for the next best thing. We rush through life, trying to avoid the uneasiness that arises with waiting.
I’m in a season of waiting. Waiting for the funds to come through. Waiting to finish work so I can prepare for the next 11 months. Waiting for this journey to begin.
I’ve been overwhelmed, over-emotional, and trying to avoid the discomfort that results from change. When the feelings come, my first reaction is to fight, plan, and do. If I’m busy enough, I won’t have time to face the hard things.
I’m done.
I’m done fighting. I’m done planning. I’m done running. I’m standing face to face with the difficult. The messy. The uncertainty.
Why?
Because God is in the waiting.
Romans 8:25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
God doesn’t waste time. He knows exactly what He’s doing. When the waiting doesn’t make sense, when I don’t understand what’s happening, I’m not alone.
Romans 8:26-27 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
I choose to stop running, hiding, and filling my hours with distractions.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
God called me. I said yes. Now I have to let Him prepare me.
I have 34 days left in Ohio. 34 days until I say goodbye. 34 days until I step onto that plane, knowing I won’t come back the same person.
Today I reached out to my squad and shared this emotional battle I’ve been fighting. In their encouragement they told me to prepare not by doing more, but by doing less. “Spend time with friends and family.” “Do something you really love. Something that brings you so much joy you can’t even contain yourself.”
In these next 34 days I’ll be:
Dancing/everywhere I go. Laughing/until I cry. Worshipping/my heart out. Writing/all of my feelings. Reading/the word of God. Baking/all of the gluten free things. Running/through the snow-covered trees. Playing/with my favorite kids. Singing/as loud as I can. Praying/to my Father.
I will lay in the snow and make angels. I will look at Christmas lights with child-like wonder. I will watch Christmas movies like it’s the first time. I will sit in the corner of the library and breath in the smell of the books. I will sit by the fire and feel the warmth of love. I will have deep conversations in coffee shops.
And while I’m in these moments, God will be with me, preparing me for all that’s to come.
This waiting is not to be wasted, it’s to be enjoyed.
One last thing-dance parties are more fun when I’m not alone. That’s an invitation.
