Finding Faith in Uncertainty

It was 11:30 pm. I hadn’t slept well in days. I needed to finish packing. And we had an 18 hour bus ride ahead of us. Our team leader called us to her room to inform us that we no longer had a placement. In order to go to the orphan home, we would have to be quarantined for 14 days.

Finding humor in the situation, we all laughed in response. Were we bummed? Yes. Were we excited to see how the story would play out? Also, yes. We booked a hostel in Bangkok, prayed for the Lord’s will to be done, and got some rest before our long journey.

We arrived in Bangkok at 4:30 am, exhausted and probably a little smelly. We were able to hang out (and sleep on the floor) in the lobby of a hostel for a few hours. We used the detour as an opportunity to explore the city and ask God if there was anyone He wanted to place along our path. On our way back from the night market, Lauren received word of our location-Chiang Mai! I literally danced around in our room. I had already listened to Extra Pack of Peanuts’ podcast on the city and was overjoyed with the location. The next morning, we hopped onto another bus for 12 hours and arrived at our hostel in Chiang Mai at 11 pm.

As we were settling in, we received an e-mail from our squad mentor regarding coronavirus. In summary: There are a lot of factors involved in the decision-making process. Our team is not currently being sent home, but it is a possibility. Many other squads on the field are currently being sent home. For an official update from the World Race, here’s the link: https://www.worldrace.org/covid-19/.

I woke up this morning with anxious energy, thinking it was probably due to being in a new city. I walked downstairs to Bella Goose, the café attached to our hostel, to get some breakfast and input treasurer receipts. As I looked over the menu I noticed they had gluten free scones and dairy free milk options for their drinks. I jumped up and down and smiled with childlike excitement. I sat down with my iced almond milk chai latte and couldn’t hold back the tears. Saying yes to the race meant abandoning many comforts from home, including special gluten and dairy free options. I said yes to letting the Lord provide for me this year, expecting to be eating rice and beans for many meals. With a grateful heart, my Father has gone above and beyond. He didn’t just want to provide, he wanted to abundantly provide.

As I sat in the café, my anxiety continued to grow. Steph and I discussed the possibility of going home and how sad it would be. We only just started month 3. I went back to my room and told my team how anxious and sad I was feeling. We spent the next hour inviting the Lord’s presence into this space through readings of Psalm 91, prayer, and worship.

I got on my knees as I realized I needed to surrender. When I left on January 9^th, I said yes to the Lord and surrendered many things from home. On March 14^th, I find myself surrendering the opposite. I don’t want to go home. I want to stay here. I want to finish my race. Lauren C. reminded us that when we said “yes” to God, we weren’t just saying yes to 11 months on the race, we were saying yes to whatever He has for us. In moments when fear or sadness start to creep up, instead of clinging to the race, I will cling to my Father. Even when our circumstances change, even when things don’t make sense, even when I don’t know what tomorrow will look like, His character remains the same.

Thank you, Steph, for reminding me of this verse exactly when I needed it.

Matthew 6:34 So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own.

Today I will be present. I will love the people around me. I will continue letting the Lord use me wherever I am. Whether I go home month 3 or month 11, He is still good.